Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
