I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize