Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
