Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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