after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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