Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize