So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
