i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
