I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you made out with another girl for some wings
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
