The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
