Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
