I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
are you so shy because you have an std?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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