Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
