i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i black out too much to be "responsible"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize