wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
