Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
