We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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