We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
