And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
