Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
