Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
