What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
