To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
