The maid of honor just puked.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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