you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize