She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
