Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
