Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
