Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
