I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
