I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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