I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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