I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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