I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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