I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
