i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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