if i can run in heels then i can drive
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There r osticjed everywhere
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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