Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
