She is in my trunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
