it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
