my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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