At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
