I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
