I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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