And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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