Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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