it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
