At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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