I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
