problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
