I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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