Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
