i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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