My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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