But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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