it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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