That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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