dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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