Screwed.edu
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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