dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
