you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
