Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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