its not stalking. its research.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
