Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
