my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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