It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
