Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
