he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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